Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Cats Looking Forward To Saying "Herro Prease!" to TCFEBUK


So sorry f0r sketching around and not posting for a few days, some sour diesel and strawberry cough came through town.  Plus I don't have much help around here. Anyway, In case you missed it, the Cats picked up a couple (One...Two) more non-conference wins over cupcakes in preparation for Sunday's battle with the Kentucky State Pen...I mean Louisville Cardinals and TCFEBUK. It should be a tough battle as the Card's "have every bit as much talent as the 96 UK team", a fact proven by their ability to almost beat Tubby Smith's Minnesota Gopher's team, who many have compared to the Original Dream Team. Ironic, because other than the greatest team of all time, Pitino's Louisville teams most often draw comparison to the 2002 USA FIBA Team, which famously sucked due to lack of chemistry, character(Derrick), and discipline. Should be a day full of fun.

Also, congrats to Big Blue Legend on a huge win.  I still haven't forgiven anyone who said he wasn't ready.

In other news...

Wu Tang story on the onion from earlier this month, plus an onion nfl story.

More today...maybe.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

ODB just wanted pussy...for free of course

"Songs like "Back That Azz Up" are often considered demeaning because they instruct women to pleasure men. ODB, for the most part, stays away from this political pitfall but is equally as shocking and open about what he wants. On "I Want Pussy," ODB repeats: "I want pussy / for free." He says it enough times that you just start to believe him rather than get mad. He really does want pussy for free."

2 year old write up of Nigga Please from the Michigan Daily, exactly the people I would expect to understand Dirt Dog's style. Nothing but the best here.

Jai Lucas


Jai Lucas will make his decision this evening. He has a few finalists, Kentucky included. The Cat's finished second last time around, so one hopes he realized his error. But he will probably go to Texas, in which case he is dead to me. The news will probably break here or here first.


"Yo Jai, pass the ball!"

"Hold on, I gotta sign them UK papers on here real quick!"


In other news...


Jerry Tipton can still go to hell

The Lions finish 0-16

A look at the NFL Playoff picture as it comes into focus

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Immortal Technique

Harlem streets.






Check out the scratching in this one, absolutely raw doggin' that track. Scratching is somewhat of a lost art these days, as our generation prefers shitty dance music.

Cats win...ugly

Here's what happened as a result of the after party...stupid really.


76-69.

Nice game for Landon Slone, who got a lot of minutes.  Not as nice for Porter or Liggins.  More later.

Here's what happened as a result of the after party...stupid really.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Wu Tang Clan Live at Hammerstein Ballroom New York City 12/23

The Clan played a show on Christmas Eve Eve at the Hammerstein Ballroom, site of ODB's brief appearance while on the run from the police, folloiwing the release of Wu Tang Forever.  This is what happened...






Parts 3 through 6 at Rhyme Sik's blog.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

A Christmas Story


That boy-wonder fuck should have known better...

The City of New York financed the Yankees spending spree...

...instead of doing something about the record number of homeless families in the city.

Here's the story from Babes Love Baseball.

"As of 4pm today, the Yankees have spent $423 million dollars on free agents this offseason. New York now has a record number of homeless families. Six months ago, the Yankees asked the city of New York for an additional $480 million dollars to fund that new piece of crap stadium. They bulldozed parks that used to be playgrounds for the children of the South Bronx. There were plenty of shady backroom deals involving the market value of Yankee stadum. 

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, NYC taxpayers. Get angry, because you should be." (Babes Love Baseball)

That means more children than ever are cold and starving on the streets of New York, and the City decided that instead of Bread, Blankets, and a roof over their heads, they would be better served by a winning Yankees team.  

Fuck the Yankees, eat dick you spoiled underachievers.

Beas Hamga could be a cat...


according to Matt Jones' "medium" source.  He is supposedly unhappy after a first semester at UNLV.  While I don't understand how anyone could be unhappy in Las Vegas, I also don't understand how someone could pass a semester in Las Vegas.  

I don't know how I feel about this, because he didn't seem interested to first time around.  Sure, the Cat's came calling late, but I really do not understand turning down a Kentucky, UNC, or Kansas for a shitty school in a third rate conference.  That is fucking stupid, no matter who is making the decision.  At least it seems like he has realized his mistake.

Fuck you UNLV, thats what you get for taking Jasper.

KSR has the full story here.

Christmas morning, such a joyous occasion!


I heard this was the Obama family Christmas tree? Fucking terrorist, trying to force dope down our kids throats. Thank god I got 13 guns under mine! Gotta stock up before Barack HUSSEIN Obama takes them away with his SS...

Anyway, I just wanted to wish a Merry Christmas to all the Eskimos and the Submarines out there. Dirty loved ya, so do I.

In other news CentSports is a free sports betting website that pays you money if you win. I am currently at 51$, after starting out at the customary 10 cents. Check it out here.

If you do sign up, I would start by placing a bet on the Celtics, as they are plus 2 at LA. I don't understand this spread, and won't understand the Celtics being underdogs until someone proves it to me and, you know, beats them...or even comes close. (knock on wood). Here is a video of the carnage that was the NBA Finals.

Stay tuned all day, as later Feebs and I will do a review of Bobby Maze's rap video. I think it is odd that this video is loved by racist rednecks in Tennessee, who want to kill an intelligent, hardworking african-american like Obama, but think Mr. Maze, Tyler Smith, and Wayne Chism are fucking awesome. No. They are part of the problem, and they have become a stereotype.

But while we wait, I'll leave a video that can't help but make you smile. Gus Johnson is the shit.

Andy Katz does an early season SEC write-up. No mention of Patrick Patterson, which does not make any sense...unless Andy Katz is just one of the ESPN headline bots. And if he is a headline bot, would that make him a super hero in their world? Average bots can only make senseless headlines, but he makes senseless stories! I wonder what this would make Jerry Tipton?

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

TONY STARKS

God, they just don't make 'em like this anymore. The beats, the lyrics, the imagery, the slang. Untouchable is the word that comes to mind. Seriously, the mid ninties belonged to hip hop. That was the zenith. The masters that came before, the big daddy kanes, pete rock and cl smooth, eric b and rakim, boogie down, black sheep, das efx, nwa, all these artists put out some real shit to set the foundation, with grandmaster flash and all that shit before them. Hell, you can trace hip hop all the way back to the delta blues of the 1920s if you want to, just think about it. Blues and hip hop both rely on a repetitive, hypnotic, driving background beat, with rhyming lyrics over them. Most old blues songs are about women, booze, hard times, and a combination of the three. And all it did was evolve over the next 80 years to where we're at now. There's still good hip hop out there..you've just gotta dig harder these days. But hopefully, if we really get our shit together, we can get back to those mid 90s, where everything was just fucking lovely. People..stop making music for the money..make music for the people.

A festivus for the restofus!

Enjoy!  

Courtesy of the brilliant minds over at Kentucky Sports Radio

Seriously?



Alright, now the game's seem plenty of talented rappers take the slide from being true to what hip hop should represent, to the money-making booty-shaking, suburbanite trash we all, unfortunately, know too well. I can really respect Busta Rhymes' old work, the coming was dope, and even a few joints off his second album were on point..but unfortunately look at where he's at today. Arab money? I mean come on. This, however, makes me like Busta Rhymes a little more.

Maybe it's just the eggnog..

Method Man Mixtape as well...

Link to the DL

M-E-T-H-O-D  MAN!  Worth the DL based only on the picture, but throw in an array of Wu Tang Generals and the D-R-E himself and you have a mixtape worthy of John John Blazinni.

01. The Show (Remix) 2:28
02. Say What (Remix) 3:38
03. Take The Heat Ft. Dr. Dre 3:26
04. Drummer Ft. Ghostface Killah, Street Life And Trife The God 2:34
05. This Thing Ft. Rza And LA The Darkman 2:32
06. Hip Hop Music 3:04

07. Shaolin Worldwide Ft. Inspectah Deck And Street life 3:58
08. Lyrical 44 Ft. Ft. Redman 1:55
09. Pack Em In Ft. Redman 3:12
10. Back In The Day/Snaps 1:38
11. Synthetic Substitution Ft. Ol' Dirty Bastard 1:52
12. In The Beginning Ft. Run DMC 3:01
13. I'm A Motherfuckin Nigga 1:23
14. 36 Chambers Ft. Raekwon 2:03
15. Evil Streets Ft. Onyx 3:45
16. Your On Ft. Rza And U-God 4:52
17. Down For My Crown 2:06
18. Lost In The Masquerade Ft. Lauryn Hill 2:25

U-God Mixtape out


Edit: So I finally forced myself to listen to this.  More or less, this is a dis-tape...on hiphop.  I always thought you would have to be attempting to mock hip-hop in order to make something this bad.  Nice U God, you never disappoint.

Link to the download

I know any self respecting Wu head has a certain amount of disdain for Baby Uey due to his consistent...well, sucking.  But this isn't bad, and if nothing else we've gotta respect him for his verse on Chessboxin'.  There is a Chessboxin 09 track on here, so be sure to check it out.  Notice no one from the Clan joins him on here.  Wonder if that means anything?

01-Bring_Back_God_(Tt_Intro)
02-Winner's_Circle
03-Stomp_Da_Roach_(Sneak_Preview)
04-A_Mili_Tant
05-Men2Mice
06-Bring_Back_God_(Interlude)
07-God_Is_Love
08-Blowfly
09-Dilla_&_Zilla
10-New_Classic
11-Rims_Pokin'_Out
12-Bring_Back_God_(Interlude)
13-Nuthin'
14-Universal_Law
15-Hips
16-The_Same_God_(Show_Em_What_You_Got)
17-Came_To_Rock
18-Chessboxing_'09
19-Bring_Back_God_(Interlude)
20-Rocket_Launcher

Just to mix things up

In the words of Nas Escobar:

"I got an exam, let's see if ya'll pass it,
Let's see who can quote a Daddy Kane lyric the fastest"

Wow...I am amazed by this...

I had never heard this until it just popped up on my laptop.  I clicked on a youtube playlist and forgot about, next thing I know I'm listening to possibly the greatest Wu remix ever.

Thats right, we're starting off with a mother fucking bang

As many of you all know, there was once a man that gave his life so that we all could live...

This isn't that man.  But he is the realest MC to ever walk the earth, and the world will never be the same without him.  



This interview might be the greatest gift of all...not watching it is an absolute mistake.  He is fucking insane.

Merry Christmas!

Protect Ya Neck (The Jump Off)

I'm gonna post a few videos to entertain you on your holiday...enjoy!

Merry Christmas!

MERRY GODDAMN CHRISTMAS

Hey everyone out there probably not reading this. Well first off, merry Christmas to all of you! Just imagine, a few years ago you were wrapped up in your room, acting like you were asleep, since you were way too excited about that new fucking nintendo 64 to actually get any shuteye, while your parents were eating the cookies they layed out with you just a few hours earlier. And now, I'm searching through the vaults of youporn.com finding holiday themed spank material. How time flies.

Anyhow, I'm kind of new to this blogging thing, so big ups to my main man J-Ezzy for taking the 4 minutes to get this shit started. Honestly, we share a lot of the same interests, so I'll likely just reinforce the pre-established theme here..that being wu-tang, vol basing, UK atheltics, and general hating on of idiots. Also, pot. Which, unfortunately, I have not been able to participate in at a rate I think is the best for me, due to a drug test coming up during the first week of January due to a DUI. Fuck those things, man.

But I'll get back to this later, I've got some eggnog to get to.

A Christmas Present For Us All

Ghostface Killah, by far the most consistently successful member of the Clan, blessed us all on December 16 with the release of Ghost Deini the Great, part greatest hits part b-sides and remixes.  What does this mean?  It means he only has one more album left on his contract with Def Jam.  Lets look at what he spits...

1. Kilo Remix ft. Malice and Raekwon

Not much new here, except Malice's verse is added on to the end.  A strong effort, and better than anything on Carter 3, but hardly a Wu banger.

"Aiyyo peace to those cooking that raw, powder white
Get your sniff on, scarface niggaz, we getting right"

2. The Champ (Remix)

Classic Ghostface.  Fast paced and action packed, the story unfolds on top of a guitar driven beat that gets your heart beating.  As always Ghost rips it and shows his talent off.

3. Toney Seigel a.k.a. Barrel Bros.

Another guitar riff on the beat, but at the same time it is worlds different.  It has you head bobbing from the start, but his accompaniment can lose your attention at times.

4. Slept on Tony

One of the new tracks on the album, I've listened to it several times to try and get the whole feel of the song.  Seems to me like he is calling out hip hop fans everywhere who have seen him release records that are reviewed highly, only to ignore it and listen to shitty club music full of vulgarity and lacking any sign of intelligence or musical talent (aka southern rap) that is easy to dance to.

5. Run remix

One of my favorite Ghost tracks of all time.  Who can resist a chorus of "Run, if you sell drugs in a school zone"?  Fast paced and chaotic, the beat is full of sirens and other effects that put the listener in the shoes of Ghost and Jada.  

Then the remix happens.  Freeway rips it, as he often does.  I'm glad to see him on here, as I have been fan since 8 Miles and Runnin.  Then comes the shocker.  Lil Wayne.  I never thought I would see such a sell out bitch on a Wu album...but it happened.  And you know what?  It isn't a disaster.  The verse is ripped from a remix Wayne did of the song, and its good to know he at least respects hip hop, even if he doesn't make it anymore.  It's old Wayne, so he doesn't use voice effects or shitty slang that doesn't make sense.  He just comes out and spits about being gangster, and even though he isn't at all, and would piss himself if he was half as hood as Ghost, it is respectable that he can rap about it.  Maybe if he hadn't covered his body in ink he could look into an acting career.

6. Be Easy Remix

Just like the old one, plus a verse from Ice Cube.  Straight track.

7. Mighty Healthy

What can I say?  A classic Wu banger.  I'm glad it is on here, because it will inevitably introduce the song to more people.  You can't help but love this song.  The beat is possibly Top Ten in Wu history.

8. It's Over

Pretty Toney!!  One of the most underrated Albums of his career, but only because his others were so good.  The song is a take off from the song I'm Afraid the Masquerade Is Over, which also supplied a sample for Duel of the Iron Mike.  Grimier than most recent hip hop, he murders it from the start...

"Aiyo, back in '95 when I was jugglin' bitches
Pumpin' coke out the spot, smackin' fiends in the kitchen
All around dick sucks whenever, blowin' chronic out of Philly's
Gettin' flusty in the Cub' Link era"

Damn.

9. Apollo Kids ft. Rae

Another Greatest hit.  No complaints here, a reminder of why Ghost has been the best Clansman of the decade.

10. 9 Milli bros.

Fucking raw.  Definition of a Wu Banger.  Every General shines on the track.  It is a more laid back track than a lot of tracks on here, but it doesn't lack in venom.  Shows that the Clan is the greatest collection of musical talent since the Beatles.

11. Walk Around

The best track on Big Doe Rehab, Ghost paints a picture and creates a mood that few Mc's could hope to create.  

"Flashbacks to me blowin' his brains out
All I remember's my shirt, I couldn't get them goddamned stains out"

12. Street Opera

A real classic.  Ghost collabs with his son, Sun God, and SG proves the apple does not fall far from the tree.  I'll share the closing verse, a dialogue of sorts that reminds me of talks I had with my dad as a kid...

[Ghostface Killah (Sun God)]
Aiyo, what up S.G.? (Aiyo, what's poppin' my nigga
I'm just oil in the toolies, exercising my trigger
Finger, I got the biggest bangers) Yeah, I got a crispy stainless
Your mans ain't fucking those hoes, they just a bunch of gamers
(Them head shots, neck shots, probably blow they brains in
I'm so close to the edge, pushin' they fucking face in)
I bet you now, them muthafuckas really start complaining
(No hesitation, my reputation'll leave 'em chaining)
We go hard, like the NARC's when we start invading
(I copped the license and registration, to cock and aiming)
It's all entertainment (And all my niggas made it)
We hard body like Wu-Tang and Iron Maiden
(I keep the iron blazing, hands hurt
Like a bitch when she putting braids in, I think it's so amazing)
We ran trains for hours, up in the Days Inn
Hood rats and crack motels, we seen baking

13. All That I Got Is You

Heartfelt classic about his mother, Ghost is a family man.  A can't miss track, the story telling is unreal.

14. Back Like That remix ft. Kanye and Ne-Yo

Kanye shows a knowledge of Wu that leads someone to be even more disappointed with his more recent work.  Other than that, one the best collaborations with non-Wu/real hip hop artists in a while.

15. Cherchez LaGhost

Ruined the original.  U-God still sucks major dick...but not as much as Bristol Palin.

16. Ghostface Xmas

Not much to say, I guess there is a reason why it is at the end.  Def Jam and Ghost probably need to split ways.

Overall:  The new shit is unimpressive, and it seems like Def Jam just wants to be able to advertives the features more than Ghost.  And whose fault is that?  Stupid suburban white kids, who will literally buy any bag of shit if you hype it enough.  The classics are undeniable, and if you are new to hip hop, this is a good way to make that change from shitty club music.    





Something I wanted to share...

I posted this on my facebook in November, but I wanted to share it on here in case anyone were to stumble across it...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the wake of Barack Obama’s historic victory Tuesday night, many people have begun calling him the Martin Luther King Jr. of our generation. And it is hard to argue with that, as he is the culmination of the dream Dr. King spoke of over 40 years ago, the product of decades of struggle and perseverance. And as he stood on that stage, calling for American unity, it is easy to imagine Dr. King looking down from that mountain top smiling, his dream no longer deferred. 


But once you get passed the symbolism, it isn’t as easy to pin those two down together. Martin paved the way, but Barack is following in the footsteps of another civil rights martyr: Robert (Bobby) F. Kennedy. Appropriately, Bobby’s brother John is the only President who was able to draw voters to the polls in numbers that rival Obama’s support. The Kennedy brothers, and now Barack Obama, were very adept at figuring out how to enthuse young voters into voting and taking part in the democratic process. Some will argue that their age helped them relate better, so they had an easier road to that demographic, but I don’t think it is that simple. I believe that these men, and Barack Obama and Bobby Kennedy in particular, understood that young people want to see change. Bobby campaigned on a new kind of politics, while Obama campaigns on the ideas of Hope and Change. But aside from slogans, they share the idea that in the United States, liberty is indivisible. Bobby was a champion for civil rights. He began his crusade as his brother’s attorney general, but really embraced the movement when he ventured into politics on his own. In 1968, when he delivered the news of Dr. King’s assassination to an all black crowd in Indianapolis, he was probably the only white person in America who could do so without harm. But because he embraced the notion that unless all Americans are truly free, then none are free. He realized that if one person’s liberty is infringed upon, it becomes that much easier to infringe upon someone else’s, and then someone else’s. Unless all liberty is protected, all liberty is vulnerable. Because he fought for this idea when it was not popular, he wound up laying down his life. But because of that sacrifice, he made it possible for Barack Obama to run today, and in a way carry on Bobby’s torch, something most Americans believed had been extinguished long ago. 

But Bobby was not just satisfied with ensuring equality, he wanted justice for all. He believed that if America were to truly harness their resources and work together, there wasn’t a problem they could not solve. And Barack Obama carries that belief with him today. They believe a just society would never let a compatriot starve or die without health care when there was more wealth in the country than any two nations in history could fathom. They didn’t believe in a world where education and the upward mobility it provides are available only to the wealthy who could afford it. They believed that to whom much was given, much was expected. They realized that not only is wealth inherited, but poverty is also inherited. Most importantly, they understood that it is in America’s best interest to lend a hand to the under-privileged. The more people that are lent a helping hand out of the cycle of poverty, the less there will be in the next generation of Americans. Bobby and Barack both strive to create a culture in the United States where people see it as beneficial to help someone else. They strive to erase the apathy that Americans have for their fellow citizens. They show people that apathy is in and of itself a form of violence. Bobby described it as, “The violence of indifference, inaction, and slow decay. This violence afflicts the poor and poisons relations between men of different skin color. It is the slow destruction of a child by hunger, and schools without books and homes without heat in the winter.” This violence is every bit as deadly as guns and bombs, and it is more of a threat to our society than either. If people go about life thinking of other people as simple obstacles on their way to the top, the idea of a community is lost. Instead of looking out for each other, we begin taking advantage of each other, which only leads to the breakdown of society. We have to learn to see each other as brothers, and realize that the more people who are successful, the more successful the economy is, allowing us each to take on a smaller share of the tax burden while creating more wealth to be made. The future of our country rests on the American people embracing the idea of “American indivisibility”. American indivisibility is a capitalist system that uses the communist idea of community to provide support and foster greater concern for our neighbors. People are still motivated by their individual success, but that success is dependent on them working together to help each other succeed individually. For example, if a tech company moves into a town, it is in their best interest to invest in the community schools technology department, so that they will have a bigger pool of possible employees who will be more prepared from day one. They help the community by improving education, and they help themselves by producing a more knowledgeable work force. Because much of Obama’s base is very young, it is very possible that this kind of change is possible. A nation’s youth always has the least connection to the past and the strongest connection to the future and as of now it seems like our generation is ready to embrace a new way of doing things.

So now, 40 years after Martin and Bobby were slain for their belief and commitment to the idea of equality and justice, Barack Obama is able to stand on their legendary words and ideas and reach the highest office of the most just and free society in human history. From here he is faced with the responsibility of leaving America in a better position than he found her, and ensuring that the victories won by those who came before us are preserved so that those who come after us have the same opportunities he has had. He also faces the task of carrying on the legacies of those who laid down their lives as they cleared the path for his American dream to come true. If that sounds like a lot for one man to shoulder, that’s because it is. As Bobby said at the 1964 Democratic Convention, in his first public speech since his brother John’s assassination, “No matter what talent an individual possesses, what energy he might have, if he is by himself he can accomplish very little.” Never has that been more true than right now, and for the next four years. President Obama has his work cut out for him, and it is in the best interest of every American that he succeeds. We cannot afford to stumble again, but if half the country stands in opposition to a man they did not vote for, that is exactly what will happen. But if everyone pitches in and sacrifices just a little to aid their fellow Americans as they struggle to get back on their feet, America will make a full recovery before we know it and Barack Obama will be able to lead us into a new era of peace, prosperity, and opportunity. A united America has limitless potential to change the world, and right now our generation has the opportunity to be the spark that catches her soul on fire.

A simple request...

A site recently began a 64 team college football playoff where fans vote on each matchup.  We have reached the sweet 16 and the cinderella team of the tournament has without question been...

Kentucky!

Some of you may be suprised at Kentucky's run in this fan poll, as the Wildcats failed to beat a team above .500, finished last in the SEC East, and came within 2 points and one yard of being a 3-9 team.  Further, they are without three of their best players (Cobb, Lyons, and Locke) due to dirty plays by the other team.

But never the less they have won resoundingly, receiving more votes themselves than some entire matchups.

What does all this mean?  It means that they need your support more than ever!

So if any of you get the chance, visit the link and vote for the Cats (and the other SEC teams, but only if you really want to).

I would also like to add that Tennessee was oddly missing from the list?  Stupid really...

The Jump Off

What up kid?  I'm Ezzy, the head of this here establishment.  The goal of this site is to entertain and possibly educate whomever might stroll across this page.  

There are several Subjects I would like to focus on, none of them being terribly relevant or important.  First, this site will celebrate the Wu Tang Clan and other New York hip hop artists forgotten by our shit for brains generation.  

Second, we are a sports blog.  If I have or will ever love anything, it is the University of Kentucky.  As a result, posts during the fall and winter (and possibly spring and summer) will be dominated by Kentucky basketball and football.  Other teams of focus will be the Boston Celtics, Cleveland Browns, Maryville High School Rebels, Samford Bulldogs, and the SEC in general.  Also, ridiculing the Tennessee Volunteers is a favorite pastime here, and anyone with derogatory comments regarding the Vols is welcome here.

Third, we love good humor.  And by good humor, I mean smart ass comments, general hatefulness, arrogance, profanity, lewdness, and complete disregard for the feelings of others.  We mock stupidity, craziness, ignorance, and Sarah Palin.  

Fourth, I like to smoke pot.  You might have noticed that the title of the blog, though.  Pot will be a very common topic, and if it does not get its own post, odds are it will be mentioned in most others.  We will post pictures of sick pieces we come across, buds we smoke, and new flavors of swisher sweets.

Finally, we will be somewhat involved with politics.  I have always been very interested in politics and I like to talk shit to people who disagree with me.  Maybe those two are related in some way...?  Regardless, I will attempt to post unbiased, informative news about whats going on in our world. 

Anyway, just wanted to get that first post out there, even though odds are no one will read it.  I guess I should maybe mention that it is Christmas Eve, thus millions of children are being lied to right now by their parents.  Awesome, way to tell them a fat guy in the north pole watches them all year then brings them presents.  You wouldn't want your kid to know that you bought them the presents because you love them, the kid wouldn't be able to comprehend that.  

Here's a video to watch as you remember Christmas past...